The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize