So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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