Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize