so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
