who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
