Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
