I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
