I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
