your parents love me but you hate me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
