Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
