I can text with my tongue
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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