I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
