remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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