HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
