so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
