Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize
