literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
