Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
