Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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