You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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