I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
