So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
