is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have surprise drugs for everyone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
