So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
