I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
