the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
