theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
