I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I could fuck to npr.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
