he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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