My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
