yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
