it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
