I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
