my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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