I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
