May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
