Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They took my balls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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