You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
