And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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