Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
