dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
