Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
