So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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