My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
