I want to walk on stilts...naked
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
