Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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