Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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