Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
