Dual....:-)
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
