Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
