The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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