somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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