he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
