i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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