Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
