so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
