Are we in a gay sports bar?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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