at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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