Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
