fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
