i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
