Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Drake has all the answers
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
