i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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