even my farts smell like vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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