I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize