I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
