I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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