Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize