How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
