I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
