I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
