Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I stole a fireplace last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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