you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize