we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize