considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
