It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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